-B-

hahaha first of all…. i passed Marketing!!!!!!!!!! hoooooohooooooooooo!!!!!!!!
do you know how damn hard it is to pass that stupid subject?? it’s called Fundamentals of Marketing. i failed it in my first semester, and i just passed it!!!! it’s such a relief, to know that i don’t have to resit this subject if i failed it. hehe. i’m happy la. i called stan to tell him and he was sleeping, and he said well done, in such an annoyed way!! hehe, of course la, i disturbed his sleep. poor thing. but i’m just happy!! can go to sleeep smiling =) weeee…

second of all…. please welcome me to the 4-mata gang!!! *applause*.. haha thank you thank you. i’m being so ridiculous, can you believe it? well, yeah, i’m gonna wear specs..which is weird.. hmmm.. today i went to make the order.. and my mom was like so worried whether i could drive by myself until she made stanley call me also la [cos she was giving tuition to his niece at his place}.. she prob thinks i’m blind!!!well, she’s treating me like i’m blind. hahaaa

well hopefully, i’ll be less of a blind mouse, and my headaches will lessen too.

i’m so sick of coll. i really have no urge and no nothing to go back to coll at all. i hope it’s not gonna be like that the whole sem, if not i’ll be suffering all by myself! cos of my own doing.. hehe.. i’ve got about 10 mins more to blog.. told pedram to chase me off to bed if i don’t go myself.

guess what?? stan might play for selangor 1st team in the malaysia cup!! woohoo!! =) =) i’m so happy for him. i think he’s excited about it too.. but it’s just rumours.. dunno confirmed or not. cool laaa!!!! =)

anyway.. i’m gonna go.. bubbbbye!

you know, sometimes i wish i had a best friend. well, i don’t have one. used to have one.. actually 2 back then. one in high school which ended in high school.. and another one in church which ended in church 2 yrs ago. but that’s about it.

you know we see movies and read books and all that, and they have friends, best friends from small till they grow up, get married and grow old. but ever since i ended those two close friendships, i’ve never had any more best friends. and i don’t even know if i’d get one anytime.

i dunno, i feel like i just built this barrier around me, that i wouldn’t get too close to anybody. i have a bunch of close friends..[which i miss so much right now!! cos i'm so bored, can't wait to see you guys =)] but there isn’t anyone that i’m very, very close with. sometimes i wonder, is it because i’m afraid to get too close to anyone? well, the closest person who knows everything and all is stanley.. but he’s my boyfriend. not my best friend. and sometimes, i long to have one, cos you know, it’s just nice to know there’s this one definite person there always.

[my cat, kiki just walked across the laptop, this is what she typed: jkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkkksw]

i have a few circles of friends. in college got a few, in church and my ex-classmates and my close friends. in coll, i’m either seen alone, which is most of the time, or i’ll be hopping from one group to another. and i see my friends all, they’re stuck to each other like glue, they’re so close, do this and that and everything together. and when i think of that, i realise that i miss out a lot on all that! but not when i get together with you girls..[which is not so often these days =(]

and then, you know when we all finished our studies, graduate and move on. i wonder if we’ll still be stuck together like now. a lot of things have happened, a lot of us have changed and a lot of other things have come into our lives to replace all those things that are gone now. and i hope between us, things won’t change… =)

i had this opinion that, when friends are too close, too stuck to each other in that circle of friends, they just tend to do everything together, think the same things, talk the same things, have the same opinions and tend to just stick to themselves, run back to the group, and difficult to break away.. i always took a stand, to always make new friends, don’t stick to one person all the time and all. that’s what my dad taught me. he told me, it’s good to have close friends, but always look beyond the circle. look out, always be ready to make new friends and don’t stick to one another, depend on that one friendship. it’s true in a way. and sometimes, when i notice that in the circle of friends i happen to be in at that moment, it makes me think twice of whether to go along with it. it’s good, and sometimes, it’s not all that good either. it can make you a little narrow minded after all. but maybe because of this belief of mine, that i hardly stick to a group. and i tend to do a lot of things on my own without anyone. is that good? yeah it’s good, cos i can get things done faster sometimes, or situations will just be made a whole lot easier without too many brains or hands. hehehe

but that’s not to say that i don’t stick around with my close friends. i do, but i dunno, you tell me, i seem to be like the independent one in the group. probably that’s why i always ask sab and yogee..”any stories from PJ?” hehehe.. they all live close by.. i live in timbuktu.

and probably that’s why i always feel like i have nothing to do and no one to go out with!! and then i drag poor stanley.. hahaha.. poor stan.

but whatever it is.. friends are important. i mean, i don’t wanna grow up and grow old without one close friend at least! i have jumped from many friendships to many more.. and this is what i learnt.. also, from observing others’ experiences.. that sometimes, if you give your heart away too much to a friend, you never know, that friend might just turn out to be not the one you envisioned to be. for e.g. my sister has gone thru many friendships which have ended and started, ended and started, and she’s gone thru many heartaches cos of that too. and maybe i’m just afraid of letting that happen to me. i mean as far as i know, it hasn’t happened all that much to me. and if it did, it wasn’t so heartbreaking. it was bearable. i could get over it like it never happened. does that make me feelingless? and insensitive to what is to come?

well, i feel like i’m belting out a whole load of crap. gosh, i sound so sentimental. hahahaha

well, to my girls [you know who you are =)], you’re still my closest friends which i intend to keep for as long as life goes on. and i hope you guys feel that way too! you guys are fun, caring and always there to brighten up the day. and i hope we do get to meet more often laa!!! =) hugs hugs hugs to you!

well well well, there ends my sappy story of friends. don’t feel offended anyone, because it was never my intention to offend anyone. =)

i’m quite the bored at home, but i don’t know what made me wanna blog instead! lol

can you believe it, i think for the first time in my life i read everything in the star newspapers..[excluding the business part and classifieds, cos it doesnt exactly apply to me... YET]

i read it back to front. and i realised, that when i read it back to front, it actually made me wanna read till the end [actually the beginning]!! so i guess, i shall read the papers back to front from now on =D one accomplishment for the day.

kiki [my cat] is sitting smack on top of my bro’s workbooks. hahahaha.

i still want my ice-cream!! yday, my mom decided to have a BBQ la in the hse. for fun, since it was a holiday. and guess what? instead of BBQing the chicken, we ended up baking it!!! hahaha…. cos we just failed to light the fire la. gosh!! trying so hard and pathetically. well whatever, but the chicken turned out nice anyway.. in the oven!

[can you believe it, my cousin, 8 yr old fart, is doing a barbershop session on my cat la... aiseh]

anyway, continuing, so everyone came la, only my family la.. stanley also came after that, after everyone had eaten and gone!!! muahaha… well, he came and i dumped all the chicken on his plate and all la, so he was eating and my sister was there too, we were chatting and all la.. then they finished and stan and i were just talking. he was crazy. behaving like a real crazy weird human being. that’s my new name for him. WEIRD HUMAN BEING. hehehe. and then we were looking at the movie screenings in the papers. we’re gonna watch Spiderman 3!!!!! weeeee! and i tell you, the amount of fuss i made and he made ah.. hehe. can you imagine, he wants me to wake up and go for a 11 am movie!! i mean i find it crazy.. get out of bed and go straight to a movie.. i mean if i did that at home it’s different. so we decided we’ll go ronda ronda in ikea.. hehe. always wanted to go there with him to ronda ronda. so yeah, that’s the new plan!

anyway, why am i telling all this? i also dunno. i’m just bored to my bones.

and now my cousins are ‘punking’ the cat’s fur up. oh my good Lord.

coll is gonna start next weeek!! results should be coming out soon.. i hope i don’t fail marketing la.. i hate marketing. everyone probably already knows that. hehehe

guess what? the other day, i went with stan to the optician, he had to get his specs. and i checked my eyes cos stan asked to. and the optician herself got kinda shocked. she said my long- and short-sightedness was perfectly fine, but my astigmatism is really really bad. and she said is it’s like 200 it’s already very bad.. mine’s 400 plus. hmmm.. and that means my night vision is really bad. i don’t deny that. i drive at night with much difficulty. so now i’ve to go to the eye specialist for a better more precise diagnosis and if it’s still the same, i’ll have to wear specs!! with special lenses for astig. ooooh my, hmmmmm. hmmmm,……. i’m gonna be blind!

i haven’t had new clothes in so many many months la. i just can’t be bothered to buy any, but sometimes i want something new in my closet!! i can even gladly tell that in every week i wear one same top that i wore the week before. or 2 or 3 tops. and it’s me and my jeans only. pathetic clothes. hahaha. well, i can live with that. as long as i have something to wear =) then why am i mentioning it?? hmmm

in today’s malay mail, there was a news coverage on the accident of a 3 girls, they all died, and the bday girl’s boyfriend survived. the picture of the car wreck was horrendous. it was totally smashed to bits and smashed.. no words to describe it la. it was awful. can you imagine at what speed the guy must have been driving?? along the federal highway, near the shah alam toll. only the guy is alive to tell the story, and he’s in bad shape. and if he doesn’t live??

it’s already May!! gonna be half a year already. how times flies and flies. hmmmm…i’m just rambling away my thoughts.. hahaha.

you know ah, i wrote one long big tremendously extensive blog on this the other day like 2 weeks ago maybe…and when i wanted to save it, it disappeared la. so annoying you know!! ish. anyway, here it is, ALL OVER AGAIN!

hehehe, Earth Wind and Fire (EWF) came to KL. i was like so excited when i heard abt it thru my sister. my sister’s coll did a tribute to them la. and she said that she and her band would actually get to meet them at a press conference. hehe. wow.

well, it was Holy Week.. and they were suppose to have their concert on Good Friday. you know how mucht he ticket price was?? Rm250 la!! whopping or not?!?! i was like going into some desperate mode la, cos i really wanted to go for their concert. ehehe.

well, anyway, on the 5th April, that was Holy Thursday, i was in coll working. and then i get a call from Sherene. she asked me, “so, wanna go for the press conference?” i was like what press con? and she said the EWF press con. i was like what?? seriously?? and she was like serious! and i was thrilled, to actually get to meet them if not go for their concert! and i was dressed like so terribly in my ragged green long sleeved top! hehe.she said doesnt matter it’s ok. so i said ok! woohoo! i was so thrilled until i told my supervisors abt it, and excused myself early from work. heheh.and so sherene picked me up from KL sentral and we went to JW Marriott where it was suppose to be held. it started at like 2 something la.. but the press con was like so dead, all those media ppl were like dummies. hehe. only one guy from NST was like asking loads of stuff. the hotel food was nice. both of us were like taking the chicken salad croissant which was so yummy! hehe. we bet most others there all came for the food. hahahaha
and then when going back, she sent me home (so sweet!) and she gave me the EWF ultimate collection! woohoo!! that was great la. =) weee..

and then the next day was Good Friday. i was in coll doing some work, my sister calls. she said, “baby!!!guess whaaaaaaaat?? i got 2 free tickets for the concert!!!!” and i squealed like nobody’s business!! i was walking down the stairs summore. hehe.. with ppl around. and she said she and my bro could go, cos she already met them and played with them and all la. but anyway, me and her ended up going for it. i was sooooooo excited!!! i told sherene and told stan also.. you couldn’t imagine. omg, it was like the best thing that could’ve happened!! heheh.. and i was (actually my sister) almost gonna ask my mom to buy me and my bro two tickets. but we finally got it for free!!!! so we were set to go for it. but it was Good Friday! hmmm…

well anyway, we went for it. it was held in the KL Convention Center.the place is so huge! never been there. hehe, and first time we both driving there. well, i drove there la. told stan to pass directions to my sister, but dunno what she heard, or what he said, so we ended up following all the signs that said KLCC. hehehe. gosh, and when we finally got there.. it was like 11.30 pm.. the concert starts at that time. but we weren’t late. well, the hall was packing in, the Agong was there, the PM and all those big ppl la. but the biggest ppl there was of cos EWF.

omg, when the appeared on stage and started the concert i was just squealing and screaming.. hehe. not like a mad woman la, but you know, in excitement. my sister and all her coll friends were there too. we were all singing and dancing to the groove. it was really groovy la, the concert. like a retro club! the concert was really really awesome. it was sooooooo great, and entertaining. it was the best concert i could’ve ever gone for. even better than AKON! =p hahaha.. well, i’m rambling away about the concert la.hahaha.

but yeah, it was all truly worth it. the crowd was kinda almost boring though.. but we all joined the grooving crowd la. hehe. it was so nice to see, they performed all the nice great all-time favourites. and my fav band guy was there too! he was so cute! and they’re all actually kinda old for the stage already.. i mean the original EWF members, but they still danced and grooved like during the 70s. it was awesome.

but i ended the day having lost my voice from screaming and shouting and singing. hehe.. and with a massive headache. but anyway, it was all worth it. hahah. hehe!! =) =)

EWF rocks!

well, i might as well talk abt my sister’s coll tribute.

it was on the 19th of April. on a thursday, in her coll. oh before that, me, Yogee and Sabby went for Stan’s match. in Shah Alam.

hehe, it was fun la, the three of us. we were sorta lost there in that place. and we waited for like and hour plus for the match, cos it was only at 4.45pm. so we were sitting in the car, and talking and laughing away abt so many things. then we finally went in for the match.

before it started, they were warming up in the field. hehe.. then they went in to change and all, and we waved at stan when he looked at where we were, heheh =) then the match started. the first half was kinda, kinda boring..hehe until selangor scored a goal! woohoo!! before the first half ended la. and we were talking abt KFC and MCdees and wanting chocolate and all..so we finally decided to take a drive to the shops opposite, lucky there was a kiosk! and we shopped like shopping in an Ulu place. hehe. bought all kinds of junk to last us. and when we went back for the 2nd half, it was more fun la. everyone was playing defense and all and negri was trying to score and all. stanley fell so many times! hmm. but it was a good game, except the referee was a bit kaku la. and yogee ah, passing commentary like nobody’s business. hehehe. and then after the match, there was a topless negri fella la. and i dared yogee to wave at him cos we were like loooking at them all warming down. so she waved la a little, and he waved back!! and called her to come. hahah!! i lost to her, so i had to pay her RM1, can you believe it, yogee actually waved to the guy for RM 1?? hehehe..then i dared her to wave a second time, with an ice cream treat in return. she did la. and he also waved back and dunno what la.. GOD!!! yogee yogee

well, after tha match, we were in the car and all and we were talking abt the match and all la.. then we sent sab and yogee back. and headed to ICOM.

we were just on time. the tribute was really awesome. they played exactly like EWF, but all ladies voices. hehe, but it sounded great anyway. except they forgot most of the steps i taught them. hahaa… what the heck. well, it was a good job done!! =)

hoo hoo hoo..

i finally finished the story of stanley’s 21st bday party, now you can read it all in peace =)

oh, and wait up for my next one. on Earth, Wind and Fire!!! =)

[before i write, i must tell you, i might stop halfway! i'm in coll, at work, currently WITHOUT work, so i'm blogging. KUBY?? here it goes!! =)]

it was the 10th of March… heheh. SO dramatic. well, yes. stanley’s birthday and birthday party was on the 10th of March 2007. It was a grand occasion indeed!! i shall talk about the party itself la, the preparation leading to it will come later on.

i went there early, like 6 something pm. he didn’t know i was there early. hehe. he made his late grand entrance, but actually, he was hiding from the crowd! the party started late. Guess who were among the first guests?? Sabby, Yogee, Kuby and Subba! wee!! the bombs. haha. and they came, and sat la at one table somewhere behind. hehe. when they came, the helium balloons all started going upwards to the ceiling!heheh. nolah, they just weren’t tightly tied to the weights. but yeah, it was funny anyway. and that table where they sat (i sat there too with sherene) had other "visitors".. the puchees (the light insects). God knows what they’re called but they were annoying! they occupied our seats! they sat on the table! and we thought we might even end up eating them! hahaha. but well, who cares about them.

moving on, everyone started coming one by one, the family members, stan’s friends and all lah. and the place was almost full. the party only started at 8 something, past 8.30 i think. well, i ran off la, somewhere in the middle (hehehe.) i went to where stanley was hiding. he was on the opposite end of the pool, in the dark, among the trees. and when i went there, i almost squealed!! he looked SOOOOOO good.. i was already melting there. eherm eherm. =p he wore a white (or off-whiteish) pants, with a striped shirt and a whiteish silverish tie, and a blazer! (i ddidn’t really bother about the shoes, it was in the dark anyway!) OH MY GOD. you have no idea how i was hopping mad up and down inside cos he just looked so so so so nice. and i felt like squeezing him to bits. hahhaaa. but i didn’t. i gave my special special birthday wishes (=p =p) and then i ran off in a hurry cos i totally forgot to write his speech! [yes, i had to write HIS speech, FOR HIM. how sad is that?]

and then, i went back to the table, by that time, the rest of my gang, Del, Revathi, Singyun, Shaun, Kenny, Debbie, Nikki, plus my sister, oh, and Sanjay were already there. wait did i miss out anyone? tell me ok! yeah, they were all there..and just a while after that, the MC, Alvin welcomed Stan and all that welcoming welcoming things lah.

so stan went around every table to receive his wishes la. and when he came to our table, they sang for him la "happy birthday". hehe. he was so shy. hahaha!! oh oh, i forgot. the MC actually told everyone they could start on dinner even BEFORE stan made his entrance. hehee… ppl and their malaysian timing for functions la. so that’s what you get. a lopsided timing of events. hehe.

i dunno why, i felt like a host too. i was like running up and down a lot of the time and God knows just what i was doing la. but anyway, i had to divide myself between 2 tables, my friends, and my family. Yeah, my parents came too =)

so back to the party, dinner was on and all. i didn’t get to eat!! i wondered how the food tasted. it was good apparently, according to everyone i asked who ate. and while there was dinner, performances were going on too. wow, Justin (the other MC) could really dance la. i didnt know they called him MJ also. all formerly my church ppl. hehe. well, yeah there were a lot of dances and all. and sadly one or two boring performances =p =p but it wasn’t bad la. after all, all the performers got the most applause and cheers from my gang of friends! haha. i told stanley, if it wasn’t for them (for you guys), the applause wouldn’t be as loud as it was heard that night! =) and yeah la, alvin kept asking the crowd who looked better and all. and my table ppl kept shouting "manly, manly…stanley’" dunno what else that rhymed with that. hehehe.

stanley was so shy on stage!! i dunno if anyone agrees with me, but i couldn’t hear whatever he said on stage. in other words.. he kinda mumbled. hehe. sorry darling =p i did hear la, but it wasn’t clear. of course, it’s partly cos i’m DEAF as well. haha.

well, somewhere in the middle of it all, the great alvin called me up on stage la to dance with stanley! you see, i actually told them (the MCs) to make stan go up and dance with the performers. then they TURNED THE TABLES ON ME LA! and made me go up and dance with him. hehehe. well, it was kinda awkward on my part la. cos first of all, my heel was getting stuck in the holes between the platforms! and 2nd, cos his parents were sitting in the 1st table next to the stage. and my parents were there too. so you know laa.. *blush* and summore the song they put for us summore kinda hot and steamy. so you know, it requires a lot more than normal dancing! well, i just danced anyway, and so did he. the picture of us dancing? it’s here:

[ok, i gotta stop right here for the moment. must go take my quiz. and hopefully come back and continue!]

[continuation]

well, from the dancing, it was just a short while hehee..thank God!i just found it quite weird, but just went along with it lah. so anyway, i think after that, [i have to say "i think" cos the party was on 10 March, today's 16 April =p]… ANYWAY, after that, was gonna be the cake-cutting ceremony. but before that, Alvin called for an "Uncle Tony" to come on stage. i got a shock.. could it be MY DAD?cos as far as i knew, he was the ONLY uncle tony everyone knew him as!! and true enough, it was suppose to be him!!! oh my gosh, i was like, what is going on?? well, anyway, my dad walked up coolly.. smiling summore. hehehee.. and so took the mic and said a prayer for stanley, cos that’s why he was called up. [hehee, my dad always gets called to say prayers,wherever la =p] so yeah, and in his prayer, he mentioned "fine, young man" all.. and other LOVELY stuff about stanley in prayer. lovely la, just for fun..lovely. haha. and this BDAY monkey boy, wasn’t even paying attention!! he was standing on stage with alvin [i think alvin got some divine blessings as well =p] and whispering and talking all. terrible. ppl praying for him, and he talking away. and everyone could see! ahaha.. well, my friends all were like teasing and nudging all la cos of how my dad said the prayer. but really, it was a prayer well-said. i felt really nice about it =) well then, came the cake-cutting ceremony la. his family, dad, mom and 2 bros went up with him. one happy family. hehehe.. do you know what cake he got?? it was a football field cake!! OMG, when i heard that that was the cake way before the party, i was like..whoa.. hmmm.. kiddo. haha! but yeah, i’m not sure if there were little men on the cake or what. but yeah, that was the cake. everyone sang la, and he cut the cake and fed his family members and all lah.

then after that, was the powerpoint presentation. eeeeeesh, the ppt show was sucky, cos the stupid transitions and all was messed up la. but it turned out pretty well =) heheh..they were all laughing and aww-ing at his photos.. so GUNDU and chubby and tubby! and so so cute. there was even a pic of him when he was small, in a little girl’s dress!! that was the laugh of the night. hehehe. yeah, the show was done well, hehee.. thanks to ehem ehem.. me and sherene and kelvin! hehe. after that was the photos shoots la with the bday boy. wah, like some celebrity la. probably like 10000 shots of him or something with everyone and the families or friends. hehe. and after that was dancing!!!!

yeah, the dance floor was open after that, and stan dragged ppl onto the floor and all that la, it was happening. like an open-air club. they played pretty good stuff, except for some not-pretty good stuff also la. =p well everyone, his family members and friends and my friends and all took to the dance floor. and our hero also danced like nobody’s business. he’s a good dancer lah. hehe. =) happy feet! yeah, so dancing and dancing the night away till like 1 something when the whole thing finished. but WAIT!

stanley got thrown into the pooooool!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! and the MC only announced to everyone AFTER he got dumped into it. no fun, only those by the poolside saw!! and the rest of us missed it. hehehe. and according to stan, the ppl who threw him into the pool were all drunk!! and the wanted to throw him into the BABY POOL!! my god, finish la then. and there was a lot of shouting and all la.. and then SPLASH!!!!!………….. he went down, into the pool. but he didn’t get thrown with his blazer la. everything else on him got wet, even his 500-dollar shoes! hahaha. so funny. then he went to change and all that and came back kinda dry and continued dancing. he drank quite a lot i think that night, you know la, 21st bday=get drunk. but he wasn’t drunk, and he doesnt drink. so he was still alright. but he talked nonsense along the way, and was extra hyper! hehhee. but he was ok. =)

i think everyone enjoyed his bday party. there was a big crowd, the food was good, the line up of events was good too. oh wait!! i forgot to talk about his speech.

i WROTE his speech la. but never read anything from it! heheh.exactly what he was suppose to do. but i couldn’t hear whatever he was saying, it was either i’m deaf, or he was mumbling. someone tell me i’m not deaf!! he was such a softy on the mic. in the limelight and all. hehehe.

it was really great to see all my friends and him and all getting along so well =) happiness and joy!! hoo hoo.. i finished the story of stanley’s 21st bday party. FINALLY! =)

about the pre-preparation??

well, just that my gal friends got to see his baby pics and all. haha i think they had a good laugh about it! and a lot of things i did, he never knew, especially for the ppt show, and also other details that he didn’t know about his party.haha. it was hard to keep everything without telling him you know. my lips were sealed for like 2 months!! hahaa. i’m sure he was really happy about the party too. i mean, what more could he have asked for right? awesome. he’s so so lucky and blessed!

anyway, i have reached the end of the story. weeeeeeee! now go read my blog about EARTH, WIND and FIRE!!! =D

yes, yes i know, i promsied to write about stanley’s birthday. never got to it at all!!!!

i’ve been so busy with a lotta stuff la, assignments, group work, presentations, and boy, my dad’s laptop and the house comp both kena virus!! how to do anything there?? then the internet also was down for a while. so basically, i never did have the chance to write anyway!!

but NOW…………. i’m in stats class. hehehe, it’s a comp lab session, i did my work ok, just using the net now =p

you can ask yogee and sab, how many times i had to use their comps to do my work, especially yogee. every other day i’ll drive to her house, use her comp and net and all.. poor thing, kacau her only. but not anymore!! cos all the work’s done! haha. i feel so freeeeeee.. but got finals due la. haha

and no, i’m not writing about his birthday yet. i’ll try to it over the weekend la huhh..

gotta go now. take care folks! the toilet’s calling me!

stay tuned, for the story of stanley’s 21st birthday party. hehe.

i shall write about it since it’s not like him to tell about his party.

haha.

i’ve realised something about myself. something is wrong with me. clearly something IS wrong with me.

my mind has been in some turmoil, and my heart has been in a whirlwind. over the past few days, i felt really down. quite low about myself too. something about me just upsets me. something about what i think about things, situations.. upsets me. i think i have high expectations about it. and when i realise that i tend to have high expectations, i dare not wish for it. and when i dare not wish for it.. that makes me feel down. it seems like i’m not allowed to hope.. cos if i do, my hopes could be dashed. =( and then when i think about it, what i hope for can be achieved some day, but the thing is, with me, today is today, yesterday was yesterday, and tomorrow is tomorrow. and if i think it’s like that, why am i able to hold, keep and store emotions and thoughts for 3, 4, 5 days in a row? ironic isn’t it?

sadly, my pride sets in as well. why do i have so much pride in me? that i can’t let it go?

there are many things i can do about it. if i turn on the logical side of my mind. but then, my sentiments take a hold of me. and then, that’s the end of it. i and one other, suffer the brunt of it. SIGH!

but now, after storing it for a couple of days, i am able to let go. i can let it go for now, and then, when something like this happens again, i hope i will learn how to handle it, understand it and think on the brighter side. i know, on one part, what i have to do. but then again, i couldn’t know how to handle it. ok, that was pure crap.

well, just as things have turned a lil sweeter, a missing mode seeps in. =( i mean yeah, it’s a mere 2,3 days of stanley on the other coast..but i’m starting to miss him already. hmmmm… i hope time passes super fast. =)

ohh.. i have a cut on my skin that is burning like hell whenever i stretch it.. eeeeesh.

time to sing myself to sleep..

anyway, this blog can be considered to be a joke now. take it as a joke, if not, keep on wondering what on earth it’s about.

ask me. BRIGITTE, WHAT are you doing AWAKE at this time of the day?!

i have no idea. i was in bed, wondering if i had class. i mean, if i have class. i know i don’t have FOM class, but stats? i have no idea! i mean, it’s chinese new year, everyone’s either still in their kampungs or on the road back to kl, or just somewhere out there, still savouring the last days of holidays. well, i don’t know if i have class or not. still don’t know!!!!!!!

well, anyway, i was lying in bed for a good almost-2 hours. at first lying in bed smsing stanley. then ended up lying in bed just thinking about so many things. well, mr.stanley bernard stephen samuel went to bed soundly and happily without saying goodnight. funny ain’t it? and he’s in slumberland now… lalala, poor guy la, tired most of the time, everytime.. and he needs all the rest he can get. so it’s ok =)

earlier at night, i went out with my old schoolmate, anjhana. anju, if you’re reading this, be proud to appear in my blog! =) well, it was a really great meet up. i haven’t seen her in yonks since we last left highschool! we were suppose to meet up the last time she came down, but hehehe.. it didn’t work out. lol. but this time it did. reminiscing old times in school, talking about many people, finding out shocking truths and even more shocking current stories. it was funny. hehe. we were best friends once upon a time. and somehow our paths didn’t cross after a while, and we just remained friends. that’s good enough anyway,better than nothing. but you know, after some years, experiences and distances, i realised she’s become wiser. don’t we all become wiser somehow as we get older? go thru various experiences and encounter different people along the way? and after all that has happened, i’m really glad we’re still friends and still keep in touch =) hugs, all the best in your life my dear! and to think that we still share some similarities in some areas of life, it’s quite a thrill actually. yay.

there’s more to this life. there’s a song by steven curtis chapman "more to this life".

[start]

Today I watched in silence as people passed me by,
And I strained to see if there was something hidden in their eyes;
But they all looked at me as if to say
Life just goes on.

The old familiar story told in different ways,
Make the most of your own journey from the cradle to the grave;
Dream your dreams tomorrow because today
Life must go on.

[Chorus:]
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be.

Tonight he lies in silence staring into space,
And looks for ways to make tomorrow better than today,
But in the morning light it looks the same;
Life just goes on.

He takes care of his family, he takes care of his work,
And every Sunday morning he takes his place at the church;
And somehow he still feels a need to search,
But life just goes on.

[Chorus]
But there’s more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be.

So where do we start to find every part
Of what makes this life complete;
If we turn our eyes to Jesus we’ll find
Life’s true beginning is there at the cross where He died.
He died…

To bring us more to this life than living and dying,
More than just trying to make it through the day;
More to this life, more than these eyes alone can see,
And there’s more than this life alone can be.
[end]

it’s one of my favourite songs. it’s a Christian song, but i think it applies to anyone at all. there is definitely more to this life. life seems to be pretty centered around materialistic things. people become materialistic, important values hardly ever matter to them anymore. and sometimes you wonder, what DOES matter to them? people get hurt everyday, in every way. what do people who hurt them get out of it anyway? life has indeed become different..it just suddenly struck me, this song. the meaning of the words are so deep..it does take a while to digest it.

i don’t know if it’s the time of the day which is making me become sappy, or my brains suddenly decided to produce sentiments in me or what.. hmmm.

i said earlier,that i was lying in bed,thinking. what was i thinking about?i feel that, on my part, life is really complacent. and that is why the song struck me.many things have struck me actually apart from this song.a few articles i received in class address certain issues people don’t even know about, people don’t even know it’s happening around here, people aren’t aware of what is happening around them.and it is either because of blatant ignorance or they’re purely in the dark about it.our world has become so rotten on some parts.so have people… 

i am soooooooooooo frustrated. i just typed something and it’s gone. ish ish ish ish ish!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!

omg, i feel so damn fooled by the stupid laptop.i should’ve saved that part of the blog!!now it’s gone. DAMN!!

well… i was saying about friends.

i said,earlier in the day, i was talking to my sister about friends.i told her,friends come and friends go.they are ONLY your friends, and they’re only your TRUE friends when they’re still there,holding you up in your lowest moment in life.i regret that, up till now,i don’t have anyone who is really really very close to me.my close friends now are my close friends,but none of them are close enough to be the same as a best friend.(no offence to anyone). i feel like i’ve developed this kind of fear or reluctance or something of being too close to anyone.it’s like,there’s no pain involved in being just like that.and sometimes,i get sad (and a lil jealous!) that others can have best friends.best friends,who can share everything with each other,their lives and all that, someone you can count on,someone who will be true to you at any given time or place.that one person,is hard to find.i seem to treat everyone equally.there are pros to it.but there are bad sides as well.not bad sides, per se, but more like disadvantages.well..i guess i just gotta live with it,since i chose to live it like that, right?

kenny is leaving for NZ sometime in march.time’s flying.and it makes me wonder,how do people just leave EVERYTHING behind, and decide to go overseas,to pursue their studies,find better career opportunities or migrate?it’s like going all the way back to kindergarten to learn ABC.you begin a whole new life there,new friends,new home,new environment,new society,new culture,new lifestyles,new people,new systems, new EVERYTHING.just the same you.how do you adjust to that?well,a lot of people i know have flown off,they seem to be doin pretty well,some are doin so well that they ‘look well’.some are doin so well that they had a new makeover for life.well,someday i do hope to go overseas,if not for studies,at least for a holiday!it’ll be great to see what the world is like beyond the window of malaysia. =)

there’s so much to do,and think about. and right now,the best thing to do is hit the sack.at the rate my brains are working now,i can blabber on just about anything. so, signing off at 3.29 am. goodnight =)